he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
