i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
