I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
