your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize