I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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