I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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