Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
