Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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