if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
