Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So vagazzling was a success
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
