where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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