the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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