no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
