Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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