i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
