hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
