so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
