This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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