omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
