I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
