I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
