Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
