apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
