Someone shit on the floor
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
