Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
