As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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