If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What a dumb baby whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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