i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
