i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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