It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
