i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
