I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
