i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize