I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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