im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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