i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
