I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
