He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
