VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
