My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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