I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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