Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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