she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
