I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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