ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
