wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
