dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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