Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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