You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
