I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
