i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
