I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
