i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
