Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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