What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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