Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
