How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
