doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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