Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
