he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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