im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
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Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You ruined the universe
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize