If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
