Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
