Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
