Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
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The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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