cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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