Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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