well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
