at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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