Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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